Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)

Hey everyone. Here with another update on my situation.

[color=black]So I have been living with my dad for the past year and a half and it has seriously been some of the most fun I've had in my entire life. I was able to act in many shows as much as I wanted as long as he didn't catch me doing things like drugs or alcohol and I'm clean. So everything was great and I got an invitation to audition for a spot in the New York Conservatory of Dramatic Arts. It just so happens that I made it into a conservatory that only accepts 200 people per year and I got a 2500 dollar scholarship. Well I just about shit myself with joy. Financial forms ensued and I filled them out exactly how I was supposed to and dealt with everything. It costs a lot and I was willing to get more than one job, do work study for the college and take out loans to get there but I still needed money to get the ticket to New York and money for books and room and board. I talked with my mom about it to try to get money and she told me that they had found a few ways to help me get the money for it, but they weren't willing to give up some things to help me (Like a vacation out of state; not that it bothers me that they can't help, it bothers me that they said they found ways to help but weren't willing to do them.

Okay, next conflict. So on the FAFSA that I had to fill out for the conservatory, it asked if my step mother had received child support within a certain amount of time and she had to get the documents to prove that she did. Well she had to documents and she had to fax a copy over to them but my dad told her that if she sent those documents that she would be going against her husband and that would be grounds for divorce. And then they don't tell em about it for oh A MONTH until the guy at NYCDA calls me and lets me know that he still needs it. I raise shit. fun times. He refuses to let her help me anymore and doesn't want to talk to me about it anymore insisting that becoming a stage actor is a waste of time and the school is just a scam. As a result, I'm not able to go to NYCDA and now I'm stuck here.

Now onto what I'm currently doing. I moved back in with my mom because if I get stuck inside Texas I'd rather be stuck by Houston than in some Chemical wood land. So I move back in and the next day I started applying for jobs. That was a month ago. I've applied to (deep breath) 2 car washes, 2 McDonald, a Taco Bell, a Whataburger, Kroger, HEB, walmart, a drug store, 5 cell phone company stores, 2 fedEx stores, WingStop, Wings to go, Buffalo Wild Wings, Dollar Tree, Sonic, 4 Gas Stations, Randalls, Cici's Pizza, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, AMC theatres, Hollywood theatres, Rave Motion Pictures, 2 Gamestops, Katy Budget Books, Baccali's Cafe, Fusion frozen Yogurt, Ritter's Frozen Custard, Churches Chicken, Popeye's, Jack in the Box, and Goodwill. Only had calls from 2 places and both times they told me that I wasn't what they were looking for. I walk 4-6 miles most days to check in at different places and to personally talk to the managers to make sure that they know who I am but it feels like everywhere I go I'm getting judged by my size, race and city. (I'm a fat white guy and I come from Vidor which has a bad reputation as being the most racist city in Texas and they majority of people in Katy are hispanic or african americans.) I'm just so tired of everyone being on my case about how I can't get a job right now and how I act pissy when they're the reason I'm still here in the first place. I'm trying to be optimistic but it's hard considering that I could be learning from directors of movies and broadway plays but instead I am walking day after day not being able to find a minimum wage job. I want to take matters into my own hands but I really can't. not with my family holding me back from everything that I've ever wanted. Sorry if I ranted too much and I sound like a little bitch because there are those who are a lot more people who are less fortunate than me but...I'm just mad at them.
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That's not whining, that's a legit reason to be angry. This is YOUR FUTURE they've screwed with because they had the means to help and just didn't feel like it.

So looking for available jobs sucks. I know that most of you have probably gone through this before but I have to let it out somewhere because since I moved back I literally have no friends here that I can talk to.

I'm kinda adding onto my last post but I'm adding another experience. So the other day I had an interview with a local gas station and I was excited because not many people apply there. So I go in and I talk to the manager for 30 minutes before I was told that they couldn't hire me because I scored too low on the aptitude test. I made a 27% in dependability, something that I've been praised for by teachers and friends alike. I have morals and I feel guilty when I lie so naturally I told the truth on the aptitude test, hoping that something like that might make them want me to work. Apparently not. I told her that I told the truth because I thought it was an important trait, especially in a worker. She then told me that if I wanted a job that I was going to have to lie and that was that.

I'm not sure if I'm the only who's pissed off by this. I mean, anyone can lie on a test over the internet. Hell, they might not even be able to read english. I'm tired. I'm tired of how people at the places treat me, I'm tired of having to walk 4-5 miles to apply to places, I'm tired of getting turned down because I was being honest. Hell, I don't even want to be here. My families looking down on me like I'm a disappointment because I can't get hired whenever the Conservatory in New York would've GIVEN me a work study job to help pay off my tuition. It's just awful.

That pisses me off, too. Not only in job applications, but also in the IB, the High School Curriculum I too, they encouraged lying. Hell, half the essays we had to write were complete bullshit. I think they were getting us ready for job interviews or something.

But telling you to your face that you should lie? What the crap?

But I think it's already been established that this world sucks.

I mean is it really that hard to have morals set for something? I want to be proud I got a job my way because I think that hard work and good standards are good employee traits. I'm usually very upbeat but this has got me down more than anything because I feel like I've failed. This is the first thing that I have done in my entire life that is 100% up to me to do and I'm already bad at it? This is not setting the groundwork that I wanted at all.

Is it really that hard to get a job? Scares me a bit when I'll have to start looking for one

It eally is that har to get a job ash, and its not getting easier anytime soon by the looks of it. My cousin doesnt care though, I MADE connections to get the job I have now where i was alreay there to help my cousin get in. I worked my ass of to get the job i have and I practically threw my reputation on the floor to help her get a job at the nursing home too. It's not a great job but you can't be picky when you have a need and now she's facing being fired and she told me straight up she doesn't care! HOW DOES ONE NOT CARE ABOUT BEING FIRED! and do you know how much of a "FUCK YOU" that is to me for even trying so hard to help her get in? Lesson learned, no more free rides from me for her.

I'm worried about this topic... Recently, most of us have been favoring the chatbox over this topic to voice our concerns. As a result, not everyone can hear the issues and voice their support. I'd appreciate it if we went back to using this thread over the chatbox, or at least posting in it before using the CB.

'Fraid I already mentioned my current issue in the chatbox, but I'm going to say it here too.

I'm afraid of changing. I very recently went through a phase where I became really apathetic towards everyone, and I never want it to happen again. I'm afraid that when I start shouldering the responsibility of adulthood, it may take up enough of my life for it to happen again. I also believe that the IB has had a lasting effect of making me more irritable. I come to swearing a lot more easily, and it's actually possible for me to get angry at people now (ex: Aero's and Megan's parents). It's scaring me, to be honest.

Things like that happen when the person is under a lot of stress. When I moved back over here I was so down on myself. I'd spend days holed up in my room just crying about mistakes I had made and thinking that everyone hated me. Because I felt that way I grew bitter and resentful towards a lot of people. I've yelled at people who told me that I didn't fit their needs for a job and I would just stop and scream while walking sometimes. It's something that happens and it's really apart of getting older. Once you get into a routine or your stress goes away it will get better

Secondly, you getting mad at Megan or Aero's parents isn't anything that isn't normal to be felt. Your tolerance levels tend to go down when said person repeats the same action multiple times. Don't worry about it. People and attitudes fluxuate. I could take a joke from my best friend and laugh like it's the funniest thing in the world but during my little downer period I could take offense and end up telling her off. I promise it will get better.

Draezeth wrote:

I'm afraid of changing. I very recently went through a phase where I became really apathetic towards everyone, and I never want it to happen again. I'm afraid that when I start shouldering the responsibility of adulthood, it may take up enough of my life for it to happen again. I also believe that the IB has had a lasting effect of making me more irritable. I come to swearing a lot more easily, and it's actually possible for me to get angry at people now (ex: Aero's and Megan's parents). It's scaring me, to be honest.

Getting angry isn't a problem, Drae. It's when you let your anger control you it becomes a problem.

Adulthood may seem really hard at the moment, with all of us complaining about how life sucks and whatnot, but you learn to deal with it. The best peice of advice I ever got was "Keep your head up and stay strong" and I swear that doing that has made me a better person (Even if I am stubborn at times).

Also, the fact that you can get angry and that it's scaring you kinda proves that you won't let it control you. Fear is one of the best motivators in preventing something.

Kikren wrote:

Things like that happen when the person is under a lot of stress. When I moved back over here I was so down on myself. I'd spend days holed up in my room just crying about mistakes I had made and thinking that everyone hated me. Because I felt that way I grew bitter and resentful towards a lot of people. I've yelled at people who told me that I didn't fit their needs for a job and I would just stop and scream while walking sometimes. It's something that happens and it's really apart of getting older. Once you get into a routine or your stress goes away it will get better

Secondly, you getting mad at Megan or Aero's parents isn't anything that isn't normal to be felt. Your tolerance levels tend to go down when said person repeats the same action multiple times. Don't worry about it. People and attitudes fluxuate. I could take a joke from my best friend and laugh like it's the funniest thing in the world but during my little downer period I could take offense and end up telling her off. I promise it will get better.

Kik's right,. It will get better. Maybe not right now, but soon, I promise.

I am furious at the moment. My cousin was supposed to be having lunch with me and my grandparents today and everything was fine until I showed up apparently, at which point she said "Sorry, I'm not going to be able to have lunch while she's here. I can't stand the sight of her." This made my grandparents upset (understandably) and my nan, who's always been very emotional, was crying and begging her not to leave, which she did anyway.

You're all probably thinking that I'm angry because of what she said about me but you're wrong. I'm furious because she thought that she could make our grandparents chose between us and upset them in the process. My grandparents are almost 80, they can't handle the stress this will put on them and I am so, so pissed off that she thinks she can dictate who's allowed in their home.

Wow, that's messed up. Is there a reason she doesn't like you?

Until I came along she was the only granddaughter. She's never liked me. That doesn't bother me so much but the fact that she upset my Grandparents is what's really pissed me off.

thats really petty of her

It really is. All of it.

So today and yesterday have been especially hard on me. So yesterday while I was asleep (I assume) my siblings managed to spill water on my new computer keyboard and the keys were malfunctioning yesterday. So I took it apart (fun times) and began to dry it. While doing that I lost track of time and was nearly late for work so I asked my stepdad to drive me there. He proceeded to fuck up priorities again and bitch at me for having a dirty room and saying that I wasn't going to work until my room was spotless. I proceed to flip shit and throw everything in a drawer and ask him to bring me. Along the drive he says that I'm being lazy in assuming that my stepdad watching football would drive me to work onstead of walking thirty minutes to work. Im irritated then I proceed to drop everything that my hands touched at work and learn that the woman who trained me for the most part might quit because our manager is promoting a lady who yells at everyone and never takes responsibility. Then he picks me up at 10 from work acting like I'm a ginormous inconvinience. I get home to try to get my pc working again and fall asleep at 2.

This morning my mom tells me to vacuum my room then get out of the house for the day. Well, considering that I, don't have a car, have limited amounts of money, and don't have an ID yet, I have a grand total of -4 things to do. I walk around for 3 hours then get home to my mom acting like I don't exist. Then she calls me downstairs to talk about me living here and all the things I'm doing wrong. She tells me that it isn't working for her with me just working. She says I have to do 1 of two things: go to school or find a career. Oh okay. I'm sorry that the one school that I wanted I go to (the one that actually made me excited for college) wasnt acceptable so you guys undermine my application. My fucking bad. I don't know what I can do to keep anyone satisfied with me anymore. My siblings are talking shit on me and they're 9 & 7. I can't do anything right, I can't please anyone and I can't make myself happy for shit. I've cut out one of the only things that I could really get into so I could work and start raising money for college but they refuse to see any type of sacrifice that I've made. I try to stay out of there way and I don't ask for anything and Im barely eating anymore. I don't understand how I'm such a problem in their lives if I do my best to not intrude.

I don't even know how to reply to that. Your mom sounds like an ass...

Fuck, that sucks. I hate unreasonable people like that. Plus, almost all the time, they're too stuck up and proud to listen to reason. Really, people like that are completely insufferable. Ugh. I can't imagine what that must be like, Kik. It's bound to get better eventually, though.

Here, for some hope: http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/4082933/Thread+Dad/

That link makes me feel -2 times better because my dad didn't try to return my love with acceptance and tolerance. He undermined my college application and attempted to get me switched out of drama multiple times. And told me that I could be anything but an actor.

If you do it all on your own' prove them wrong and never have their help or support, they will be the humiliated ones when you become a big star. And when you win your Oscar you can thank your real family (ha im kidding, you don't have to mention us in your big speech at all if you dont want to) Just know that you are loved here and you can do more things right than youre given credit for and that you have our support in whatever you want to do. Because thats what families do. You're loved Kikren. You're so loved.

Things that piss me off: When people are dicks for no reason.

Seriously, what is the point, especially when people are already more than aware that you're a cock. You just make yourself look worse and will end up being one of those people that no one wants to be around. EVER.

I take it someone is acting like a dick in your vicinity, then?

Mhm... It tends to get annoying, especially when they do it on purpose.

So my parents have decided to move into a new house. Fantastic. I'm so glad they decided to move after I've held down a successful job and made a lot of new friends there. Especially since I walk 30 minutes to work everyday and I lack a car. Seriously. How the hell did they expect me to hold this job if they want to move because they're bored?! It's like, "Oh, Robby's successful at Kroger. Let's fuck this up for him." I never should've moved back. I should've stayed in Vidor where at least if we moved my dad wouldn't move outside of the town. Ugh. I'm so done. I just...can't even understand what's wrong with them.

*Hugs*

It's times like this I wish I knew how to help people or what to say to help make you feel better, but I don't, so I'll unload a lot of hugs onto you instead.

*Hugs*