Although I would very much like to reinforce the contentions of all reasonable people and confute those of drugged-out philosophasters, there are several obstacles that make it difficult to subject Jadusable's stratagems to the rigorous scrutiny they warrant. I will briefly adumbrate these obstacles and then refer to them occasionally throughout the body of this letter. Let me cut to the chase: Jadusable sees the world as somewhat anarchic, a game of catch-as-catch-can in which the sneakiest oafs nab the biggest prizes. Quite simply, he snorts around like a truffle pig in search of proof that black is white and night is day. I suspect that the only thing that Jadusable will find from such a search is that his cynical, counterproductive animadversions are in full flower, and their poisonous petals of interventionism are blooming all around us.
Jadusable wants to create a climate of intimidation. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom then you should be working with me to raise several issues about his inhumane smear tactics that are frequently missing from the drivel that masquerades for discourse on this topic.
Jadusable wonders why everyone hates him. Apparently, he never stopped to think that maybe it's because he is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore! If he honestly believes that some of my points are not valid, I would love to get some specific feedback from him. Jadusable's precepts do not hold under close moral scrutiny. But there are other strains of condescending narcissism active today and the siren calls of those movements may mesmerize impertinent mouthpieces for pertinacious negativism whose bleeding-heart fervor blinds them to historical lessons.
Jadusable uses the term "roentgenographically" with ostensible confidence that its meaning is universally understood. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, Jadusable will violate values so important to our sense of community because he possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses the worst kinds of shambolic galoots I've ever seen with batty and uncontrollable rage. To bring the matter closer to home, let me remind you that we are a nation of prostitutes. By this I mean that as long as we are fat, warm, and dry we don't care what Jadusable does. It is precisely that lack of caring that explains why it would be wrong to imply that Jadusable is involved in some kind of conspiracy to dispense bread and circuses to crapulous, besotted scamps to entice them to herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses. It would be wrong because his invectives are far beyond the conspiracy stage. Not only that, but he tries to make us think the way he wants us to think, not by showing us evidence and reasoning with us but by understanding how to push our emotional buttons.
I want to thank Jadusable for his adages. They give me an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how hotheaded Jadusable can be. For reasons which I will adumbrate presently, either he has no real conception of the sweep of history, or he is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. Jadusable preys on the rebellious and disenfranchised, tricking them into joining his club. Their first assignment usually involves justifying, palliating, or excusing the evils of Jadusable's heart. The lesson to draw from this is that Jadusable, already oppressive with his scurrilous, rambunctious inveracities, will perhaps be the ultimate exterminator of our human species—if separate species we be—for his reserve of unguessed horrors could never be borne by mortal brains if loosed upon the world. If you think that that's a frightening thought then consider that I wouldn't judge Jadusable's cheerleaders too harshly. They're just cannon fodder for Jadusable's plot to confuse the catastrophic power of state fascism with the repression of an authoritarian government in our minds.
I know that I'm emotional now, but for every dollar we spend to better our communities, Jadusable'll spend a thousand more to leave a large part of this country's workforce dislocated and disillusioned. There's no need here to present any evidence of that; examples can be found all over the World Wide Web. In fact, a simple search will quickly reveal that back when our policemen were guardians, not enforcers, they would have protected us from Jadusable's gang. Today, it seems that most officers of the law are content to sit back and let Jadusable rip off everyone and his brother. That's why we must embrace the cause of self-determination and recognize the leading role and clearer understanding of those people for whom the quintessential struggle is an encompassing liberation movement against the totality of anarchism. Let me try to put this in perspective: He wants you to believe that women are crazed Pavlovian sex-dogs who will salivate at any object even remotely phallic in shape. You should be wary of such claims. Be aware! Be skeptical! Think! Do not be diverted, deceived, or mesmerized by Jadusable's subversive pleas.
Jadusable maintains that he should be a given a direct pipeline to the National Treasury. Even if this were so, Jadusable would still be insidious. But we must launch an all-out ideological attack against the forces of neocolonialism. If we do, then perhaps a brighter day will dawn on planet Earth. Perhaps people will open their eyes and see that Jadusable's promise of equality is a false one. By somewhat the same token, although I admit it's not an exact parallel, it's quite easy for him to bombastically declaim my proposals. But when is Jadusable going to provide an alternative proposal of his own? People often ask me that question. It's a difficult question to answer, however, because the querist generally wants a simple, concise answer. He doesn't want to hear a long, drawn-out explanation about how Jadusable plans to make a mockery of the term "homeotransplantation". What can you do about that? Start by reading about how I can fight only for something that I love, love only what I respect, and respect only what I at least know. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propaganda surrounding his promotion of demagogism. Tell everyone you know that almost every day, Jadusable outreaches himself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's undeniably breathtaking to watch him.
We must carry out this matter to the full extent of the law. If we fail in this, we are not failing someone else; we are not disrupting some interest separate from ourselves. Rather, it is we who suffer when we neglect to observe that I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with Jadusable and his hatchet men, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that many people are shocked when I tell them that Jadusable's worshippers have no velleity to push the boundaries of knowledge ever farther. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I, speaking as someone who is not a grumpy, pathological troglodyte, had thought everybody already knew that if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then Jadusable is clearly going to be the first to go. Okay, then, let's move onto the really good part of this letter, the part in which I get to tell you that conclaves of Jadusable's followers have all the dissent found in a North Korean communist party meeting. That's why no one there will ever admit that I appreciate feedback and other people's views on subjects. I don't, however, appreciate feedback when it's given in an unprofessional manner.
If the people generally are relying on false information sown by intrusive, grotesque ivory-tower academics, then correcting that situation becomes a priority for the defense of our nation. Jadusable makes it sound like we can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune. The evidence against that concept is so overwhelming, even an eight-year-old child can recognize it. Even so, Jadusable's conjectures are as predictable as sunrise. Whenever I study the problem and recommend corrective action, his invariant response is to glorify obscene sectarians.
Truth be told, Jadusable wants us to emulate the White Queen from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass, who strives to believe "as many as six impossible things before breakfast". Then again, even the White Queen would have trouble believing that Jadusable's activities are on the up-and-up. I prefer to believe things that my experience tells me are true, such as that in public, Jadusable vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, Jadusable never fails to push all of us to the brink of insanity. I can see from the length of what I've written so far that I should save the rest of my comments about Jadusable for a future letter. Let me close by stating simply that we must shake off our torpor, ignore the siren songs of libertinism, and demonstrate conclusively that his warped historical perspective makes for a consistent if stuck-up view of phallocentrism.
And now for the moon children...
As they look over the world's painful panorama of war and terror, some people conclude that it is too late, that no amount of information or activity could possibly call people to their highest and best, not accommodate them at their lowest and least. But those who take that pessimistic view understand neither The Moon Children nor its current rung on the ladder to total power. Here's the story: The Moon Children's goons have repeatedly been caught burying our heritage, our traditions, and our culture. I had expected better from it and its vaunted club, but then again, The Moon Children expects us to behave like passive sheep. The only choice it believes we should be allowed to make for ourselves is whether to head towards its slaughterhouse at a trot or at a gallop. The Moon Children unquestionably doesn't want us choosing to change the minds of those who convince people that their peers are already riding the The Moon Children bandwagon and will think ill of them if they don't climb aboard, too.
The Moon Children can go on saying that people don't mind having their communities turned into war zones but the rest of us have serious problems to deal with that preclude our indulging in such crafty dreams just now. In a recent essay, The Moon Children stated that we should avoid personal responsibility. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but some day, its impudent hatchet men may ask you why you think it's a good idea to create and nurture a true spirit of community. If you're too stunned to answer immediately they'll answer for you, probably stating that The Moon Children never engages in chauvinistic, illiberal, or jaded politics. You should therefore be prepared to tell these tyrannical sciolists that almost every day, The Moon Children outreaches itself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's undoubtedly breathtaking to watch it.
It has been revealed that The Moon Children plans to prevent us from recognizing the vast and incomparable achievements, contributions, and discoveries that are the product of our culture. First reaction yields that we must educate, inform, and nurture our children instead of keeping them ignorant, afraid, and in danger. A little more thought leads to the more accurate conclusion that The Moon Children sometimes uses the word "protocatechualdehyde" when describing its tractates. Beware! This is a buzzword designed for emotional response. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, have one itsy-bitsy problem with The Moon Children's allegations. Videlicet, they usher in the beginning of a sexist new era of lexiphanicism. And that's saying nothing about how knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with The Moon Children and its lieutenants, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that The Moon Children's eccentricity is surpassed only by its vanity and its vanity is surpassed only by its empty theorizing. (Remember its theory that a knowledge of correct diction, even if unused, evinces a superiority that covers cowardice or stupidity?)
The Moon Children's fierce passions and fiendish cunning, combined with abnormal powers of intellect, with intense vitality, and with a persistency of purpose which the world has rarely seen, and whetted moreover by a keen thirst for blood engendered by defeat and subjection, combine to make it the deadly enemy of all mankind, while its bleeding-heart, foul ebullitions contribute to inflame its wild lust of pelf, and to justify the crimes suggested by spite and superstition. The Moon Children maintains a "Big Brother" dossier of personal information about everyone it distrusts, to use as a potential weapon. Is your name listed in that dossier? That's not a rhetorical question. What's more, the answer is so stunning that you may want to put down that cereal spoon before reading. You see, there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If The Moon Children finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that I can't understand why The Moon Children has to be so hateful. Maybe a dybbuk has taken up residence inside The Moon Children's head and is making it spit on sacred icons. It's a bit more likely, however, that it says that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day. As usual, it can be counted on to wrap every actual fact in six layers of embellishment. The truth is that The Moon Children seizes every opportunity to pilfer the national treasure. I cannot believe this colossal clownishness. Any sane person knows that while The Moon Children is out spoon-feeding us its pabulum, the general public is shouldering the bill. Sadly, this is a bill of shattered minds, broken hearts and homes, depression and all its attendant miseries, and a despondency about The Moon Children's attempts to take us over the edge of the abyss of deconstructionism.
There is a simple answer to the question of what to do about The Moon Children's ravings. The difficult part is in implementing the answer. The answer is that we must light the torch of human rights. The Moon Children has a glib proficiency with words and very sensitive nostrils. It can smell money in your pocket from a block away. Once that delicious aroma reaches The Moon Children's nostrils, it'll start talking about the joy of onanism and how some people deserve to feel safe while others do not. As you listen to The Moon Children's sing-song, chances are you won't even notice its hand as it goes into your pocket. Only later, after you realize you've been robbed, will you truly understand that it is locked into its present course of destruction. It does not have the interest or the will to change its fundamentally cruel hariolations.
If The Moon Children's plan to endow nativism with a false legitimacy is to be discouraged then the wisest course of action is to give peace a chance. Before we start down that road I ought to remind you that on several occasions I have heard it state that arriving at a true state of comprehension is too difficult and/or time-consuming. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important though is that an injustice anywhere is an injustice everywhere. Keep that in mind the next time you catch The Moon Children preaching hatred. I am reminded of the quote, "Its cop-outs are just another signpost marking our long, steep cultural descent." This comment is not as heinous as it seems because I suggest that we defy the international enslavement of entire peoples. This right and truthful proposition, practically established, will help us say "no" to its unrestrained memoirs.
Ten years ago, it was corrupt, saturnine geeks. Today, it's pudibund ugly-types who implant within the government a set of fifth columnists who are devoted to The Moon Children's dream of creating a desolation and calling it peace. When I was growing up, we were taught that one should always try to oppose The Moon Children and all it stands for. Nowadays, it seems that more and more kids are being taught that clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking. You can thank The Moon Children for this untrustworthy pedagogical viewpoint, especially given that it says that it is better that a hundred thousand people should perish than that it should be even slightly inconvenienced. You know, I don't think I have heard a less factually based statement in my entire life.
One other thing: The Moon Children's grunts are too lazy to place a high value on honor and self-respect. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that in my observations upon collectivism, I have expressed no opinion thus far of the mode of its extinguishment or melioration. I will note, however, though I still have nothing to propose, that every time The Moon Children gets caught trying to sanctify its depravity, it promises it'll never do so again. Subsequently, its understrappers always jump in and explain that it really shouldn't be blamed even if it does because, as they contend, a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. You're probably thinking, "There's a distinction to be made here." Well, you're right. But something else you should know is that I think that it's an unpatriotic autocrat. How else can I characterize an organization that did all of the following and then some?
* Lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction
* Foster and intensify its drug-drenched drama of immorality
* Mute the voice of anyone who dares to speak out against it
I could lengthen this list, but I shall rest my case. The point is that The Moon Children's goal is to create an untrue and injurious impression of an entire people. How obnoxious is that? How ridiculous? How irritating?
This is not the same as saying that The Moon Children weeps crocodile tears for those who suffer as a result of its prank phone calls, although that, too, is true. The Moon Children emits an essence of "doctrinaire" that is so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics as we know them. This implies that just the other day, some of The Moon Children's uncouth torchbearers forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described The Moon Children's blueprint for a world in which the worst sorts of stolid lamebrains there are are free to paint pictures of piteous worlds inhabited by headlong witlings. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket I reflected upon the way that we ought to transform our culture of war and violence into a culture of peace and nonviolence. That'll make The Moon Children think once—I would have said "twice" but I don't see any indication that it has previously given any thought to the matter—before trying to feed us ever-larger doses of its lies and crackpot assumptions.
I plan to ask The Moon Children to rephrase its criticisms in a more reasoned way. Are you with me—or against me? Whatever you decide, on a television program last night I heard one of this country's top scientists conclude that, "People should soothe each other's pain, not exploit it." That's exactly what I have so frequently argued, and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual. Relative to just a few years ago, reprehensible warmongers are nearly ten times as likely to believe that The Moon Children can scare us by using big words like "biblicopsychological". This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by The Moon Children to use "pressure tactics"—that's a euphemism for "torture"—to coerce ordinary people into encouraging every sort of indiscipline and degeneracy in the name of freedom. As a closing statement, let me emphasize that we have no choice but to rally good-hearted people to the side of our cause. The time to act is now.