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|Subject: Pink LEGO Men Take Over the LEGO Factory in Austria! Sat Jan 10, 2015 7:13 am|| |
LEGO Handelsgesellschaft is a busy LEGO factory full of workers and many colored bricks. The carpets in any LEGO factory are dangerous foot landmines after any kind of spill so the ergonomic Austrians decided that hardwood and concrete made much better floor surfaces. On this specific day, a man with a briefcase and a very expensive looking suit was making a sharp tapping noise on these floors with his expensive leather shoes. "It's been happening everywhere." He explained to a panicked looking floor manager with a clipboard. " LEGO Belgium, LEGO Australia, LEGO Shanghai, this issue has even hit LEGO Canada for Christ's sake! We have to stop it! Here and now!" He stopped in front of the large cylinder that contained every pink LEGO that hadn't yet been sent off to packaging. He narrowed his eyes furiously at the things.
"Mr. Brix, I don't quite understand." The nervous floor manager said as she glanced at her clipboard. "The American office sent you to have us melt down all out pink bricks? Because they're going to come alive?" She looked at him skeptically.
Mr. Brix clasped his hands on the floor managers shoulders and shook her. "You didn't see it! The horrific things these monsters are capable of! If we don't stop them before they attack every factory humanity is doomed! Are you prepared for war Ms. Clicks?"
He was shouting so excitably that spittle flung itself from his mouth into Ms. Clicks face. "Well, I-I.." She hid behind her clipboard. "This will set our quota way back for this quarter. If someone at headquarters wants my job there's no need for such a dramatic scheme."
"Typical." Mr. Brix gave her a disgusted look and straightened his suit. "No one else believed me either." He gave a nervous glance to the cylinder of pink bricks. "No one would believe the things I've seen. No Ms. Clicks, no one's has it out for your job, there is no more American headquarters to take your job." Already the LEGO's inside the container were starting to shift and move. "Damn! I was too late! It's starting!"
Mr. Brix grabbed Ms. Clicks by the hand and pulled her away from the container as the pink bricks started stacking together to build a giant fist. The pink fist reared back and punched the side of its glass prison with full force. It made a large crack in the glass as Mr. Brix reached the evacuation alarm. Panicked workers were running to the doors as pink LEGO's flooded out of their container. They started stacking together to form human-shaped, pink, LEGO creatures. Each creature was roughly eight feet tall and the details were so perfect that they even had facial expressions. Currently they looked very angry.
"Oh God!" Ms. Clicks cried out in horror as the things started walking towards her and Mr. Brix. He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her up the stairs to the offices.
"We'll need to destroy the building, these things can't be allowed to escape." He said calmly, he'd done this before, in America, Australia, Canada, He'd burned down every factory. "Let's just hope we can take care of them before they cut the-" The lights flickered out and the hum of the computers in the offices died down. "-power." Mr. Brix finished. He pulled a handgun from his satchel and loaded it. "Stay behind me Ms. Clicks." He ordered.
The frightened floor manager nodded. She couldn't believe it, the day had started so well! She had earned a company bonus and was able to give all her employees raises, they had been ahead of their quarterly quota and she was supposed to have a date that night with her boyfriend. Not just any date, the date! She had helped him pick the ring and everything. Now her life was going to end at the hands of pink plastic monsters. How could today turn so quickly, and for such an unbelievable reason?
Mr. Brix led her through the dark, labyrinthine hallways of the office cubicles, always checking around corners for the pink LEGO monsters. "Ms. Clicks I want you to listen to my directions very closely." Mr. Brix muttered. "These things are attracted to sound, shooting them is a last resort, and all it does is buy us time while they reassemble themselves. We must set this building on fire before we leave. You know the fastest ways out of here?"
Ms. Clicks nodded. She knew all the fire escapes and her employees always passed the fire drills with flying colors. "Good." said Brix. "Then I'll depend on you to get us out of here alive. Now we need to get to your office, as quietly as possible."
Ms. Clicks led the way to her office and the two quietly crept through the building, occasionally the screams of the other employees could be heard. Mr. Brix put his arm out and stopped Ms. Clicks in her tracks. At the other end of the hall was a young man crouched in a corner, surrounded by three pink LEGO men. "Please! What do you want from me?" the shaking man begged. "I h-have a family!" The LEGO men assembled their right arms into sharp points and simultaneously impaled the man.
Ms. Clicks gasped and the three pink, bloodstained LEGO monsters turned to face the two. "We've been compromised!" Mr. Brix yelled and grabbed Ms. Clicks by the arm, leading her to the nearest broom closet. He pulled a lighter out of his pocket. "These unused mops, the drywall, they'll be perfect!" Mr. Brix observed.
"You're not going to set a fire in here!" Ms. Clicks cried nervously. "We wont be able to get out!"
"It's us or the rest of humanity Ms. Clicks! Are you prepared to carry that weight? We end this here and now!" He was shaking her shoulders again when he suddenly dropped her. Ms. Clicks looked up and screamed. A pink spike protruded from Mr. Brix chest. The LEGO man had punched a hole through the door and killed Mr. Brix.
It was already reforming it's LEGO spike into a hand and any moment it'd reach in and open the door from the inside. Ms. Clicks knew what must be done. She pushed the cleaning cart in front of the door and locked its wheels before setting one of the mop-heads on fire with Mr. Brix lighter. She added a broom and a can of some airesol cleaner off the cart and smiled, The can exploded, propelling a piece of metal shrapnel into Ms. Clicks neck.
The LEGO monster outside the door was retreating from the heat of the flames. It's melted hand was hardening into a lump of useless pink plastic that it ripped off and discarded behind it. Sure as Mr. Brix had predicted, the drywall spead the fire quickly. The LEGO men melted into puddles of pink plastic as the factory went up in flames. If Mr. Brix were not a charred corpse he would have smiled. Austria was the last location, he had rescued humanity.
Somewhere in a fancy restaurant that night, a Mr. Snaps was alternatively taking impatient sips of his wine and glances at his watch. He pocketed the ring after three hours of waiting and went home to an empty bed. He only knew what happened when he watched the news the next morning.
OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES