Aka ➳ ➳ ➳ ┌( ⁰△⁰)┘
Posts : 2887 Friendliness : 3235 Reputation : 88 Join date : 2012-03-02 Location : Everywhere o.O
| Subject: Climbing the Smoke novel prologue Thu Nov 01, 2012 5:08 pm | |
| This is the prologue for the novel I was going to start writing a while back but decided to leave it until this month to start. - Spoiler:
My name is David, Dade, my friends call me. My world is similar to your world, we have countries and we have the people who run the countries. We have armies; and because we have armies, we also have wars. We have schools and teachers, hospitals and doctors. We have a lot of things that are the same. But your world is more advanced in some ways too. You have motor vehicles. You have things made out of thousands of tons metal that defy the laws of gravity and fly. You have bombs that can wipe out entire continents. Of course, we have some things that you would ever dream of. We have a certain energy within us that can help us defy the laws of gravity and enable us to fight from a distance without the use of weapons, not that we don't use weapons sometimes. I must admit our transportation leaves something to be desired when compared to yours, but I figure you can have too much of a good thing. And you can keep your bombs that you'll never use. Our explosives are easier to control and deadly accurate. You have names for all your countries. We don't, but then, the only countries in my world worth remembering are the Seven Great Nations. The countries of Fire, Grass, Lightning, Water, Air, Ghost and Psychic. Of course there are other countries scattered around, but those are the most influential ranging in just that order. I come from the capital of the Fire Country, Carnelian City. It's probably the biggest city in the world and my family has lived there since the First War when the Seven Nations were created. Now I ask you to forget about your world, just for a few hours, because this isn't a story about your world, it's a story about mine.
I'm well aware that it's stupidly short but I just sort of wanted something that would explain that the story isn't set in this world. I'm also aware that bits of this may just be a totally rip off of Naruto but I totes swear it's probably gonna be nothing like Naruto when I'm done. What do you guys think?? | |
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Zalty ➳ ➳ ➳ ┌( ⁰△⁰)┘
Posts : 3570 Friendliness : 3637 Reputation : 24 Join date : 2010-12-08 Age : 30 Location : Arkansas, usually
| Subject: Re: Climbing the Smoke novel prologue Fri Nov 02, 2012 9:35 pm | |
| Too much exposition. I like how the character speaks to the reader, but it's revealing far too much of the backstory in far too little words. | |
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