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 Application: Zoliel

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PostSubject: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:59 am

Name: Zoliel

Species: Human

Age: 14

Appearance
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] 4'10"

Weapons: Chakram, Scythe

Powers: Death magic, is consistently expended through her eyes.
She is blind, but has the ability to detect living entities, ignorant of obstacles and light.
If she should make eye contact with what 'normal' vision would allow her to see, said things feel weakened.
Her vision's ability is more effective the weaker the applicable targets are, and can kill things if they're weakened enough, even people, on the brink of death.
She tends to kill grass quickly, as a result she wears a blindfold so she can still see.

Personality: Zoliel tries to be stoic most of the time, but she can act very aggressively if she feels cornered.
She tends to feel cornered if she can't see her surroundings, she has hemophobia which tends to contribute as well.
Zoliel is somewhat cautious of people, and likes to talk in obscure terms to confuse them.
She lost her parents, and doesn't like to talk about the subject.

Family: Parents murdered, she doesn't know other family.

Backstory:
Quote :
When she was 13 years old, her father volunteered for a medical experiment, she doesn't remember what for, but she knows it was some kind of injection. Zoliel and her mother learned shortly after that the experiment killed their father, but they hadn't known the exact details. The doctor involved went mad, and panicked at the thought his victim's family would report him to an authority, so he attacked the mans wife as well. Zoliel sat and watched, as her mother's blood ruptured her own flesh, her blood bursting into flames as it oxidized, a nightmare that would haunt Zoliel forever. While she had put the flame out with water, her mother already suffered enough burns beforehand that she couldn't have been saved, not by her, anyway. Her father used to be a mercenary, many years ago, and he had a chakram in his room. When the man turned to Zoliel, she bashed him over the head, he collapsed quickly.

Zoliel found herself left alone, in her old home, she lived in a secluded area, so she didn't really have anywhere to go. The child was forced to bury her mother's grave on her own, the man she simply dragged into the woods nearby, leaving whatever got to him first to do what they would. Zoliel decided she would leave her home, it was a depressing environment she didn't want to be around any longer, so she started packing. The doctor was heavily injured, but still alive. The man awoke as he heard Zoliel leaving, grabbed a nearby branch, and got up to attack her while she was off guard. She was scared, he wasn't expecting her to be able to attack before, but he was far larger then her, and the chakram seemed to be dull after years of wear. Eventually, he hit her across the face, and she started to bleed, in a moment she recognized this as the same substance her parents had recently died to. She didn't do anything but scream. This man wanted her dead.

Zoliel was convinced she was about to die, what was she going to do? She couldn't fight him, not when he was ready, not as she was. She cried, and she cried, waiting for this man to kill her, not expecting the arrival of her savior. Even if she had expected a saviour, she would never have guessed what it was. She saw some strange ghastly figure in a long dark cloak, holding a lantern and a scythe, she had no idea what this creature was. The ghost took it's scythe and slashed at the doctor, tearing him in two, then both halves collapsed. Zoliel was scared, not so much of this ghost, but of the blood that now stained the area.

Zoliel looked at this figure for a while, and it stared right back at Zoliel, who sobbed at the morbid scene around her. She cried to it, perhaps thanking it, her words incoherent, but the ghost did hear one thing, one important statement that changed the girl's life. "I don't want to see anything anymore." The ghost came closer to her, held the lantern to her face, and held it's hand over her eyes, granting her this wish. Zoliel felt the light around her disappear first, until everything went black, she looked down, she hadn't forgotten the scene, but losing sight of it seemed to calm her.

Zoliel started to develop some new strange sense, she could sense living things, but she didn't actually see everything she used to. She couldn't see the house she just left, but she could see the grass at her feet, but after only a moment, that seemed to vanish quickly too. She saw something wisping in front of her for a moment before it moved towards her, it took her a moment to realize it was probably the ghost, the moment it's scythe hit the ground. Zoliel reached out to grab this weapon, but the moment she did the back of her hand started to sting, she noticed a haze coming off of her hand. She realized this was why the grass was vanishing. She closed her eyes for a moment before reaching into her bag, she grabbed a light scarf, and wrapped it around her eyes, a blindfold. She didn't need her eyes to see anymore, she just sensed things, if anything her eyes were making seeing more difficult for her. Zoliel reached out for the weapon again, she wasn't too happy with the situation at first, but she started to hold apathy for it, and looked at it logically as she left for the world.

Zoliel travelled for a while, she tried to stay on the grass as much as she could, she found walking elsewhere awkward without being able to see the ground. She came to a village once in a while, at first she was asked about her age, and offered a place to stay, perhaps out of pity. She didn't ever stay long, she would always look back to her wisping hand, and think she didn't want to end up hurting anybody with her power, and her travelling comforted her somewhat as well. She used to have brown coloured hair, which she heard from bystanders had started fading to grey, and eventually turned white, she also heard that her skin was unusually pale, travels considered. Where there used to be pity for her, grew possibly an amount of respect, perhaps fear. She travelled from town to town, trying to find answers on what happened that night.

Theme Songs
General
Enraged


Last edited by Scotia on Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:09 pm; edited 7 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:24 pm

Nooooooooo.

No power to drain people's life force through her eyes, and no being an orphan. It's overused. Like, really overused. Actually, most of the backstory is not okay. No dead parents (or only one of them), no having to fend for herself from a young age, no having to dig her parent's own grave, no weird science experiments. And I've never heard of Poes having that sort of power.

And how do you expect her to join the party if she's antisocial?

(Sorry, gotta be critical

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“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:49 pm

I kinda expected the whole "I hate everything about her, kill her and try again" thing, except I'm on orders

"No power to drain people's life force through her eyes,"
Humans, and other civilian races would take perhaps several hours to kill this way, but get a stinging feeling quickly.
You're right, this is far too combat practical, I can get rid of it.

"and no being an orphan. It's overused. Like, really overused."
This kinda makes me sad, partly because it's my character, but because I feel you'd have said it's ok if I joined a while ago.

"no having to fend for herself from a young age"
butdudesheisayoungage
I bumped that up from 11 to 13, not that that's much better.

"And I've never heard of Poes having that sort of power"
Me either. If you want me to I can go write in an "OtherworldMcNewThing" I was just trying to be more convenient.
If you want, I could describe it less in that encounter, and write out the research guy.

"And how do you expect her to join the party if she's antisocial?"
Zoliel continues to wander the world, hoping to find a companion, perhaps someone with a fascination for the topic again.
As an extra, there's the whole thing where she can't see the ground.

At the end of everything, the more you make me write off the less she's my character anymore, so I'm not taking this well.
If I have to I'll ignore this app and just write a new one, I really only posted this because Aka liked the character anyway.
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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 2:55 pm

I've said this way too much the last few days but Zoliel is a good character. She has the potential to be very useful to the group and her being unable to see can be a hindrance as well.

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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 3:57 pm

1. It's not the power, it's its nature and the way she got it.

2. Tbh, I probalby would have been fine with it earlier. But seeing as only 3 or so of the characters aren't orphans... yeah.

3. That's a little better, actually. But many of the characters here already had to fend for themselves from a young age. Is there a reason why nobody took her in? And even with death eyes and a scythe, a 13 year old girl would probably die of despair if her mother died, leaving her all alone.

4. Vagueness wouldn't change anything, really. But making it not a Poe would be a good idea.

5. Fair enough.

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Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:31 pm

1: "If she should make eye contact with what 'normal' vision would allow her to see, said things feel weakened.
Her vision's ability is more effective the weaker the applicable targets are, and can kill things if they're weakened enough, even people, on the brink of death.
She tends to kill grass quickly, as a result she wears a blindfold so she can still see."
That's what Aka made me rewrite under her powers.
As for the way she got it, I think we're talking about that under 4.

2: If you say no, I can and will write a new character. Without this Zoliel is really not the same character to me anyway.

3: I went and threw in that she doesn't like to talk about the subject in the personality.
"Many of the characters here" is already something we're going on about under 2, and my response is the same.

Why she wasn't taken in.
"She came to a village once in a while, at first she was asked about her age, and offered a place to stay, perhaps out of pity. She didn't ever stay long, she didn't want to end up hurting anybody with her power, and her travelling comforted her somewhat as well."
I can add more if I have to, I just felt I wrote up a sizeable curtain.

4: If you want me to just say ghost (which in turn leads to taking her scythe away) I'm mostly ok with that.
If that's ok, can either write Poe-research guy out, or make her wonder whether the facts add up well or not.

5: :D

Having said all this, the more "No"s you give me, the more likely I am to drop this character.
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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 5:03 pm

Ok, we came up with a few more ideas in the chat for how we could make this work:

1) I think she should keep the scythe. After her mother dies, she goes to the research lab and finds it, tries to kill the research guy (fatal but not immediately) then gets death vision from the ghost and finishes him off with that. Thinking it was the wound that killed him she leaves only to find the grass under her feet beginning to die causing her to rip of part of her shirt/sleeve/skirt/whatever and blindfold herself
OR you can go for the whole trapped in a person-shaped can thing:
2) She could have some evil spirit inside her. It was injured and the only way to survive would be to attach itself to a living thing and she was in the right place at the right time so it entered her body, as it healed and Zoliel grew, their souls merged making it impossible for the ghost/poe/thing to leave because if it could leave when Zoliel died it could just kill her and be done with it.

This is basically the ideas we came up with.

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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:19 pm

Alright, everything's been worked out. You know what to do.

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“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 6:53 pm

Made some minor edits to address some issues from chat.

"She saw some strange ghastly figure in a long dark cloak, holding a lantern and a scythe, she had no idea what this creature was."
Reason: Made it a bit different from a Poe, at the very least it's special.

"Zoliel looked at this figure for a while, and it stared right back at Zoliel, who sobbed at the morbid scene around her."
Took out the part where it looks at her mothers grave.

"She saw something wisping in front of her for a moment before it moved towards her, it took her a moment to realize it was probably the ghost"
Edited to imply the possession

"her hand started to sting, she noticed a haze coming off of her hand"
More editing to imply the possession

"She looked at her hand, thinking about the haze she gave off, thanked the man, but left quickly"
Guess.

"She didn't ever stay long, she would always look back to her wisping hand, and think she didn't want to end up hurting anybody with her power"
All this rewriting hurts my brain, just so you know.

"She travelled from town to town, trying to find answers on what happened that night."
Instead of meeting Mr Poe Research Guy, she's looking for a Mr Wispything Research Guy.


I suspect I wrote it poorly, but frankly, I'm tired, and that's a lot of text curtain to rewrite.
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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:01 pm

It's alright, I'm fine with this.

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Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:03 pm

VICTORY!!
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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:51 pm

Yes!! Victory!!! It took a while but we got there, welcome to the RP

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♫ You think you'll win, but soon you'll see, you may beat some, but you can't beat me ♫
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PostSubject: Re: Application: Zoliel   Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:14 am

YEAY. SHE LOOKS SUPER AWESOME AND I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HURRRRRRRR
<3
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