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"part of me prefers just thinking Links a dumbass. if i wanted to summon the apocalypse and destroy Hyrule id built a little fence around myself and theres not a god damn thing he can do about it" - Naomi
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 Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)

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Kylinn
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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Mon Jan 03, 2011 1:22 am

The chat stresses me out. It's great when we're all just having fun and chatting about absolutely nothing. I love it for that very reason. But when anything remotely serious comes up, it's too fast-paced and causes me immense stress. I'm good at being the voice of reason when I'm not involved in an issue but I can't do it in a chat setting, it causes overload and I get all anxious.

Usually I can just leave when that happens, but the majority of the time I really do have something to say, input I feel would help with the discussion, and I can't contribute that if I'm not there. And what about when my presence is relied on? Like if the issue is about me? Or how about what Aero asked me to do? I really wish I could handle fast-paced serious discussion. This is why RPing in chat just doesn't work for me; it requires thought, focus, and much more of it than I can deal with in real-time.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:42 pm

I would miss you if you stopped using the chat.

I get attached really easily. I can't help it, I just love people. All their habits, all their faults, their strengths and weaknesses. I can't get enough, too soon I end up referring to people as my friends BEFORE I even really know them all that well. When forums like this get around and people say stuff like this I can't help but get the feeling that I know them personally and I can't help but stand up for them and listen to their problems and try to help (even though we could be a world away)
I hope no one is insulted by me saying I feel like I KNOW them because I know I don't really and probably never will but I know you are out there and that you exist and that you talk to me.
That's enough for me to think of someone as my friend. I revel in their triumphs and grieve in their trials like they are someone close to me and I can't help it. So when someone leaves or stops talking to me I feel cut off, that person never gets replaced no matter how many other new people I meet and I get sad when they're gone.
I don't make these connections on purpose they just happen and I'm not a stalker who reads everyone's posts like fifty times but I think of you guys when I'm not online and I worry about your problems and celebrate when something good happens to you, I've only been here about a month and you guys are like another family to me.


*Gives hugs to everyone!*

I don't have just one family I have several families and they all hold a place in m heart.

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OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES

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meek
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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:20 pm

Ky, if the chat EVER stresses you out, do yourself a favor and give it a break. Seriously. The reason it's faced-paced is because the chat system is extraordinarily messy and you can't tell who is about to say what when -- which is why there is overlapping and misunderstandings that lead to arguments or all-caps wars -- and those are wayyy too frustrating to sort through.

Don't deliberately place yourself in a stressful environment. Say "Mm, I'm going to take a break" and excuse yourself. Once you do, the other people who are in the same boat as you won't feel as uncomfortable to do the very same thing. Surf some tabs, read a book, get a drink, whatever until you feel like checking back in.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:00 pm

I should have read this thread before...

@Kylinn
It's alright, I understand what you mean about misconceptions. I won't take it the wrong way.
About taking this seriously: I don't. I always thought of it as just a game, but I find it fun to pretend that it is real, that's all.
Honestly, I've never ever been offended by anything you said. We're all friends here, and I can't even imagine myself flaming you because of something as trivial as- scratch that, because of anything. I'm not getting frustrated at your freakouts, honest. If anything, I'm, just worrying. I really wanna huggle you IRL and tell you "It's gonna be okay."
Kylinn, if I were your neighbor, I'd kick the asses of all the bullies in the neighborhood, along with anyone else who may have hurt you. Reading your posts really makes me want to move next door to you, just so I could do that! Unfortunately, it's France, California or Tenessee for me.
I'm sorry to hear about your view on RP... I wish we could have you with us. You seem to have a lot of emotional and social problems, huh? Damn, I wish I could help you get over it, but I know that a wall of text really isn't that comforting... Damn it.
If you need somebody to listen to you, I'm here. I still feel as if I owe you for my inconsiderate comments a few weeks ago. Just shoot me a PM some time.

Here's a hug:
Spoiler:
 

@Kikren
I really can't think of anything to say to this except: THAT IS HORRIBLE! I'm sorry you had to leave...

@NoobMister
Dude, it doesn't matter how much you can help us, only that you're here! Seriously, how many of us are actually doing anything right now? :P My only skills are drawing and writing. That's not gonna help much, is it? No matter how bad you may be at this, I still consider you equal to everyone else!

@J
Ouch... That's horrible. Not as horrible as what happened to Kikren, but I still feel for you. Good luck.

-------

As for myself, I have problems as well, mostly at school, but I feel much better when I help others with their problems than when I rant about mine. I guess RolePlaying as Ruul just brought that aspect of me to the surface. It's kind of funny. I used to love to rant about school to anyone willing to listen, but right now, I'd rather stew in my own misery and help you guys out than release all of it. If anyone ever needs someone to confide in, I'm your guy.

And hey, if you want to calm down, just visit this site: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage

IT'S ADDICTING!

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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Kylinn
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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Wed Jan 12, 2011 7:07 am

Drae, I'll respond to you later, I can't pull my thoughts together right now, I'm sorry

Copypasta from my rant elsewhere wrote:
Everyone says I'm articulate. They don't understand. My words are barely the beginning. The things that run through my head just don't fit into explanation. I can't speak what I think, no matter how well people think I'm doing it, because they don't know that my mental processes often transcend words. I'm locked inside my own head. It's...it's torment beyond my wildest dreams. I can hardly comprehend it, and I'm the one living it; there's no way I could possibly convey the magnitude of this hell. I say a lot of things that are pure melodrama, but this is really, truly, genuinely horrific. I'm locked inside my own head.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Wed Jan 12, 2011 2:49 pm

Kylinn wrote:
Everyone says I'm articulate. They don't understand. My words are barely the beginning. The things that run through my head just don't fit into explanation. I can't speak what I think, no matter how well people think I'm doing it, because they don't know that my mental processes often transcend words. I'm locked inside my own head. It's...it's torment beyond my wildest dreams. I can hardly comprehend it, and I'm the one living it; there's no way I could possibly convey the magnitude of this hell. I say a lot of things that are pure melodrama, but this is really, truly, genuinely horrific. I'm locked inside my own head.

YOU AREN'T ALONE! I'm stuck with the exact same prob- oh wait, I don't want to burden you with my own problems too. Just know that I can't express my feelings either, and I understand your pain.

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Sun Jan 16, 2011 8:15 am

Things have gotten worse here.

Since I lost my power adaptor my laptop has been out of comission. I signed up for two casses that are completely online. Since I put the programs that come with these classes on my laptop and now that resource to the class is lost to me. I missed a mandatory assignment and have been withdrawn from the class. Needless to say this has put a strain on my relationship with my mother. Since its a three day weekend I have no way to use the on-campus resources to help me keep my financial aid at the moment and my mother will NOT leave me alone about it. I have NO CLUE what to do in this situation wich is why I want to see about it in person to KNOW that I'm doing it right.

After I got home from work last night she went into this rant about how it's my fault for not doing the work and that she's starting to think I don't care f I'm an STNA for the rest of my life and how frustrated she is with me and my actions and how I should follow my sister's (the perfect one's) example.

I can't help it! My laptop is out of commision I can't do ANY of those assignments and my instructor has dropped me from the class! I feel so helpless right now and I need to to be there to HELP me, not constantly rip on me. I have to take care of it myself while she's behind me tearing me down.

I spent all of friday night sobbing and texting my cousin, she was little help, she kept yelling at me to stand up for myself. I know I should but she's my mother, I am her dependant, I'm financially unable to live on my own. one wrong move could completely shatter everything and there goes my life. I hate walking on eggshells like this but its better than fighting for food and housing.

The best thing I can do is work as hard as I can at school, stay away from home as much as possible and hole myself up in my room (which my mom says I never study but how would she know I hide in my room all the time) and not say anything to upset the way things are right now. I have to go in tuesday to see about those classes but it's probably too late for those classes but maybe I can sign up for another on to keep my full-time student status and my financial aid. I just hope this is enough to please her for now.

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OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Sun Jan 16, 2011 4:59 pm

@J
I'm so sorry to hear that! I really wish there was something I could do to help you out... well, I could always pray, I guess.
*Adds J to prayer list*

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Jan 18, 2011 4:34 am

thanks for the prayers Drae, things have gotten a little better here in the last couple of days

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OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Jan 18, 2011 2:37 pm

J wrote:
thanks for the prayers Drae, things have gotten a little better here in the last couple of days
How wonderful! I've only been praying for 2 days, and it's already getting better! ^^

I'll keep on praying though. You can never be too careful!

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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Kylinn
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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Thu Jan 20, 2011 2:11 am

School started up again today.

This upsets me more than anyone will ever know.

I can't enjoy weekends and vacations, because I know I'll have to resume it all afterwards. Get up early, take the commute, go to class, spend the next half hour wishing it were more than half an hour, go to another class, take the commute back home, spend the rest of the day doing chores for my parents like always, try to sleep, fall asleep, have a day off, and then...again. Even when the classes and stuff aren't that bad, it's the fact that it's an endless cycle that really makes me want to just stab myself right here and now, for whatever values of "here" and "now" apply at the time I'm thinking about it, which is practically 24/7.

And after I graduate, it will get ten times worse, because I'll have to do the exact same thing, but with work, which is longer and even more stressful, and there'll be bullshit taxes I have to pay over and over and fucking over again, and housing stuff and insurance stuff and whatever the hell else goes on. So if anyone was about to say "don't worry, you'll be out of there in 4 years" (which is untrue, by the way; I'm taking 8 years...), please...spare me. >_< It only gets worse. And worse. And worse. And when it's finally over, I'll have arthritis and syphilis and whatever else old people get, so even though I'm finally free of the cycle, it won't be worth living anyway. And I'll have to pay to live in a retirement home, and paying rent is like paying taxes: over and over and over again. Fucking bullshit. And if I'm not working, I don't know how I'll even do that.

I should've done away with myself when I had the chance. I really should have. Life does NOT get better, it goes on and on and ON and ON and even if it didn't get worse and worse (which it does), that in itself would be enough.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Thu Jan 20, 2011 4:41 am

Oh honey...

I'm certainly not going to bullshit you, I care about you to much for that. I won't tell you I know how you feel because I'm sure I don't, I'm not going to tell you that life will never hurt you because I'm fairly certain if it hasn't by now you've kept yourself in a box for the past 19 years of your life. But I will tell you that life is not always bad. It's full of promise and people who care about you and want to see and make you happy.

Don't worry, there's more to life than work, I promise. You just do the best you can because there's something great waiting for you around the corner. There's great rewards and many people who are around you that will infinitely enrich your daily life. I promise you that no prospect is as grim as it looks and there's always open ears and open arms *huggles go here* to keep you and make you feel loved. Even if those ears and arms are miles away or you've never met them in real life. Because I wouldn't abandon you I can be absolutely sure of this promise.

Your life is worth to much to be taken away. You are special and important and NO ONE can replace you. You have value beyond price and a heart of gold.

Here, I have a bunch of spare hugs that I would love to give you, in fact you can take them all right now.

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OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Thu Jan 20, 2011 11:45 am

@Kylinn
I, on the other hand, do know how you feel. I've thought the same thing so many times, and even had a character rant about it in one of my stories! However, despite the endless cycle, I always find the couple of hours I get on the computer a week to be the best times of my life. I thoroughly enjoy being on this forum, talking with my new and invaluable friends. Whether it's Role Play or not, this forum is practically my life now. I feel especially best when you guys open up to me, and I try to help. It's kind of like mutually-beneficial-therapy.

Just try to look on the bright side of things and enjoy your weekends/vacations, Ky. Give yourself something to look forward to every week, and you'll find your life brightening!

*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*
*hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug**hug*

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)


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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:16 am

Well I finally did it.

So i had a cold this week right? and one of my symptoms was watery eyes. I get out of class and my mom sees my eyes watering and she instantly assumes
I'm crying and (without saying anything else first) she just goes off on me about how I'm not missing work (which I wasnt intending to do) and how I need to stop acting
like a little cold is the end of the world and she started making me feel worse and worse until i really do start crying and then she yells at me for that until I finally just
snapped and I told her that I wasnt acting and excuse me for having a cold but its wintertime and I didnt ask to be sick and how i WAS NOT crying until she started yelling at me
and how I already had a cold and didnt need her shit because I was already sick and how i hated talking to her anymore because her whole nature is upsetting and how this
has been going on for months.

and she just gets really quiet and says Oh, sorry.

I think this is really going to set back any chances I have of having a real relationship with her but I dont care anymore. I cant take anymore half-hour car rides with that so im
just going to keep my headphones in and keep my head held high. If I can help it I wont give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry anymore.

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OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:50 am

J wrote:
Well I finally did it.

So i had a cold this week right? and one of my symptoms was watery eyes. I get out of class and my mom sees my eyes watering and she instantly assumes
I'm crying and (without saying anything else first) she just goes off on me about how I'm not missing work (which I wasnt intending to do) and how I need to stop acting
like a little cold is the end of the world and she started making me feel worse and worse until i really do start crying and then she yells at me for that until I finally just
snapped and I told her that I wasnt acting and excuse me for having a cold but its wintertime and I didnt ask to be sick and how i WAS NOT crying until she started yelling at me
and how I already had a cold and didnt need her shit because I was already sick and how i hated talking to her anymore because her whole nature is upsetting and how this
has been going on for months.

and she just gets really quiet and says Oh, sorry.

I think this is really going to set back any chances I have of having a real relationship with her but I dont care anymore. I cant take anymore half-hour car rides with that so im
just going to keep my headphones in and keep my head held high. If I can help it I wont give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry anymore.

At least she knows now. If she has any heart left, she's going to give you a straight apology soon enough. I'll keep on praying for you and your mother.

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Feb 01, 2011 8:03 am

Okay so I'm getting off the topic of me vs. parents for a change because this kinda hurts but I can't really tell anyone else because they know this guy and I told him I'd keep his secrets.
Using the anonymity of the internet I feel like I'm keeping that promise while also having someone to talk to.

So I really like this guy right? we've went out on a couple dates, we eat lunch together all the time and we text each other until one of us falls asleep like every night.
I like him a lot and while I can wait a little while because I've never been one to rush into things he just told me a little while ago that he still wants to be with his ex-girlfriend and that he still loves her. i don't know how to take this because I'm caught somewhere between being one of his close friends to wanting to be his girlfriend. considering our last few weeks of text messages and the fact that he has kissed me a couple times already I thought he felt the same way. Tonight I found out that he REALLY misses his ex. they've only been broken up seven months so I'm willing to give him time but I he just told me this and it really hurts but I can't tell him that because he feels bad enough thinking he's hurt me even though I'm telling him I'm okay with it because I don't WANT him to feel bad. I want him to have time and space because even after ten months I still miss my ex sometimes to but I feel I'm ready to move on. My head is so confused that this whole explanation probably doesn't make much sense. but I had to talk about it because I'm kinda hurt but I'm not mad at him, I know it's hard to get over an ex, I just wish I had known, before I let him kiss me...

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OH SHIT YOU GUYS HARRISON FORD IS BACK FOR MY FANCY ASSORTED CHOCOLATES

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:33 am

J wrote:
Okay so I'm getting off the topic of me vs. parents for a change because this kinda hurts but I can't really tell anyone else because they know this guy and I told him I'd keep his secrets.
Using the anonymity of the internet I feel like I'm keeping that promise while also having someone to talk to.

So I really like this guy right? we've went out on a couple dates, we eat lunch together all the time and we text each other until one of us falls asleep like every night.
I like him a lot and while I can wait a little while because I've never been one to rush into things he just told me a little while ago that he still wants to be with his ex-girlfriend and that he still loves her. i don't know how to take this because I'm caught somewhere between being one of his close friends to wanting to be his girlfriend. considering our last few weeks of text messages and the fact that he has kissed me a couple times already I thought he felt the same way. Tonight I found out that he REALLY misses his ex. they've only been broken up seven months so I'm willing to give him time but I he just told me this and it really hurts but I can't tell him that because he feels bad enough thinking he's hurt me even though I'm telling him I'm okay with it because I don't WANT him to feel bad. I want him to have time and space because even after ten months I still miss my ex sometimes to but I feel I'm ready to move on. My head is so confused that this whole explanation probably doesn't make much sense. but I had to talk about it because I'm kinda hurt but I'm not mad at him, I know it's hard to get over an ex, I just wish I had known, before I let him kiss me...
I wish I had enough experience to give you some advice, but I don't. However, if he is able to kiss you on the lips while not actually in love with you, then he might not be worth it. But I don't have anything to do with it, and I don't know to what point you love the guy, so it's not really my place to say that.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Wed Feb 02, 2011 6:25 am

Draezeth wrote:

I wish I had enough experience to give you some advice, but I don't. However, if he is able to kiss you on the lips while not actually in love with you, then he might not be worth it. But I don't have anything to do with it, and I don't know to what point you love the guy, so it's not really my place to say that.

He really is a good guy, and a very dear friend to me. I don't want you to get a bad impression of him because he's not a bad person. I've known him for almost two years now and he'd never intentionally hurt anyone like that. He just misses his old girlfriend and that makes me sad because i really like him, I don't want him to be thinking of her when he's with me so I'm just going to back up a little give him some time to sort his thoughts and not expect anything. expectations lead to dissapointments. What happens happens and theres nothing i can or should do about it.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:56 am

Unrequited love truly is a terrible thing. I wish you luck.

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Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:36 am

Whenever I notice my rep go down, I freak out and comb through every single post I've made until I find which one it was on, then spend hours wondering who downvoted me and why. >.< Does anyone else do that?

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:57 am

Kylinn wrote:
Whenever I notice my rep go down, I freak out and comb through every single post I've made until I find which one it was on, then spend hours wondering who downvoted me and why. >.< Does anyone else do that?

Nope. It's a forum and it's the internet. Gotta expect stuff like that.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Mon Feb 14, 2011 7:21 pm

I broke down and cried yesterday. I feel so stupid. My mom yelled at me for causing drama but I really couldn't stop myself. Its just that everything is piling up in my life. My parents, this guy, my grades, for some reason I thought about my ex-boyfriend yesterday, the time I almost gave him everything. it just hit me all at once while I was at church and later that day my mom yelled at me for causing drama. I couldn't talk to her, I can't talk to her she just makes me feel worse. I feel awful because that guy that I like thinks this is his fault. My mom thinks my ex is trying to get me back (even worse she thinks I'm dumb enough to go back). The only two people I really trust anymore are two of my cousins and one of them is moving to Germany (which he failed to tell ME!) and the other asks a lot of the really hard questions (which I'm grateful for because i can talk to her). My mom wants to help me buy a car, and even though I'll be paying for it, gas and insurance, she wants it signed in her name. That makes it pretty impossible to just leave because technically I would be stealing MY car. and even if I talk to her she doesn't want to listen, she tried to get me to talk to her last night but I already knew what the conversation would be like. At this point i just hope she doesn't send me to a shrink. my worst fear is being psyco-analyzed

I just feel like a broken doll being passed around and getting something else ripped off, "there goes another finger, and now the arm, let's punch a whole in her chest and rip the stuffing out, here, I've got her voice box," I'm sick of it, I need to leave, soon, and never look back.

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Mon Feb 14, 2011 10:54 pm

*hugs* Sad I know what you mean, I really do...

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:12 pm

Oh J, I really wish there was something I could do. Hearing that pains me to the core. I admit I've become more lenient in my prayers lately, but I'll pick up again now. You said your dad was ok, right? Maybe he could help you out...

I wish I could help. I really do.

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“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

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PostSubject: Re: Place To Get Stuff Out (PLEASE READ UPDATED RULES)   Thu Feb 17, 2011 6:41 pm

I think maybe I'll feel better if I actually talk about the "horrible thing" I keep mentioning, so here goes. >_<

So the other day, I got an email from a school staff member asking me to meet with her, and I became worried that it was something bad, because while some of these meetings turn out to just be check-ins, there always seems to be something I did wrong that I didn't even know about. So I met with her yesterday and it was something bad, and apparently there's a "pattern" so I have to meet with her and one of my teachers to talk it through. This wouldn't be so bad if a) the only possible time we might be able to do it before next Wednesday is today, and I still haven't gotten the email on whether or not we can meet today, and b) the meeting determines whether or not to tell my parents. And there's only so much I can say about how that would make my life a living hell without making them suspicious. So if I make a mistake during the conversation, they'll be let in on the fact that I've been unintentionally "disruptive", and this would be a very bad thing. Not only would they be bitching at me for a week and on my case about it for months, but they would definitely revoke their decision to let me move out this summer, and most likely keep me here next year as well. So my life is about to be utterly ruined, at least for the next twenty months, because the staff at my school find my behavior "abnormal". And even if I get lucky this time, there will undoubtedly be a next time, because I can't just change my instinctive behavior with a snap of my fingers, especially if I'm barely even aware of it...and I highly doubt there will be an "if" when it happens again. My parents will know, whether it be today, next Wednesday, or in a month or so, and there's essentially nothing I can do about it.

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