The Fourth Day

Where blood is no thicker than water.
 
HomePortalCalendarSearchFAQMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in
"part of me prefers just thinking Links a dumbass. if i wanted to summon the apocalypse and destroy Hyrule id built a little fence around myself and theres not a god damn thing he can do about it" - Naomi
Welcome to the Fourth Day, where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
That's right, the points are like Drae's opinion.
Colors are now freely available, PM Drae to ask him for yours!

Share | 
 

 The Blind Traveler story

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Aero
No-Life
No-Life
avatar

Posts : 768
Friendliness : 925
Reputation : 6
Join date : 2010-12-08
Age : 21

PostSubject: The Blind Traveler story   Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:09 pm

I wanted to post a little story I did in a day for a class of mine. I'm thinking about making the Traveler an actual RP character of mine.

Once, long ago, there was a Blind Traveler that went wherever across the lands that he pleased, whether the nations he trod through were ruled over by kings or simply by no one but mother nature herself. He was a thin man with worn, tattered clothes and was golden-dusted of hair. No matter where he went or who he spoke with, in the end he always ended up keeping on going through whatever weather with his shadow as his only loyal companion.
One day, the Blind Traveler found himself in a strange land, rumored to be plagued by horrible creatures. He’d heard of an evil Enchantress and a plethora of menacing, wild creatures inhabiting most of the forested region of the land. However, deep in the nation lied a village, completely vulnerable and defenseless to the danger that lurked in the shadows of the greenery outside it’s borders. The only body separating the two sharply contrasting habitats being a small, low, grey-bricked border.
When The Traveler finally arrived, he was practically starving. After a while, he navigated himself to a small bakery filled with the scents of pastries and cakes and breads of all sorts. After buying some bread to eat, the Baker struck up a conversation with him, asking what a traveler was doing in a place so rough. He mentioned that there was a particular beast roaming about the village at night. He didn’t know about anyone else, but it was raiding his shop! Almost every other night when he would come in in the morning and check his stock in the back cellar, a large portion of his food would be missing. He said that it was a cunning one, too. It had taken only his finest breads with it. His best cakes, too!
The Traveler wasn’t so sure if he should be scared of the Monster. It probably was only a small creature, not even a monster really, finding its way into the dusty streets of the village, finding a usual spot to gather food. A scavenger, he thought. After a while, he said he must be on his way and parted from the Baker, gallivanting around, now looking for some meat to go along with is bread. He was still hungry.
After a while, he stumbled upon a Farmer’s market, chatting with The Farmer over a plate of salted beef. The Traveler wondered that if the Monster he‘d heard of from the Baker had been troubling the Farmer any, so he asked. On hearing the question, the Farmer went on about how his animals were being stolen by that very same one. The beast, he said, he saw a fleeting glance of when he went out one night to check on what his animals were baying about. The Farmer had brought his light outside and was standing quite the ways away from where he thought he saw the Monster. His lantern cast a gigantic shadow on the wall of his house, showing the silhouette of the creature, practically as big as the house wall itself.
To find that the Monster was so large frightened the Blind Traveler a bit. Not to mention, he’d found that it ate meat as well! He listened to the Farmers rants, paid for the meal, and left without much word after. On leaving, he noticed that he must’ve looked a mess to anyone that could see him. He needed to get some new clothes. The ones he had were ripped. They were probably very dirty, too, he thought. He couldn’t be a judge of that, though. After all, he couldn’t see.
Eventually, he found a Seamstresses shop. The woman there, while mending him new clothes, inquired of him what had happened to him to scuff him up so badly. When she heard that The Traveler had been walking through the wilderness, she gasped, telling him, as he already knew, about a strange Monster that had been lurking around in the village at night, and was likely around in the forest as well. She warned him that the Monster had been breaking into her shop, ripping up her fabrics and running wild. She said it must be a violent creature to cause so much damage every time it came, destructing things like a whirlwind had come through! When the Seamstress was done, the Traveler was newly clothed in beautiful, velvety, green clothes, draping down with long sleeves and white cuffs and collar.
Upon leaving, the Blind Traveler was even more unsettled by the Monster’s descriptions. It was not only large, strong, and clever, it was horribly destructive as well. Soon, the Traveler came to the opposite border of the village from which he had come. He couldn’t turn back, so the only option was to go forward. Evening was settling now and his worry increased as the time ticked by in despair that he might run into the Monster. If he did, he would surely be killed!… He had no choice, though. He had to keep moving.
Hesitantly, the Traveler stepped out into the woods, walking only a while before he heard something rushing about. He found a tree and slumped down behind it, hiding from the beast that hunted him. Imaginings of that Monster came to his mind, and he was sorely afraid, trembling behind the tree, eyes clenched shut, only able to wait and hope that it wouldn’t find him. Then, to his disdain, he heard slow, creeping, crunching footsteps approaching him. He was wholly convinced that he was about to die, but just then, he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He slowly held out his hands to feel what was about him, and to his surprise, a small figure stood before him, a bit of bread and meat held in its other hand and wearing nothing but a long drapery of fabric, feeling very similar to what he had bought.
The Traveler laughed aloud. It was not a Monster at all! It was a little girl! After a long while of talking and explaining, the Traveler discovered that the Enchantress he had heard of had taken the girl captive and the only way for her to escape the forest was for someone to find her, which she thought was absolutely impossible. No one ever ventured in nor out of the forest, so she thought she would have the girl trapped with her forever.
As he normally did, the Blind Traveler kept on venturing and left the forest, leaving it and the village behind, finding new places to wander to throughout his lifetime, however, this time, he had acquired a new companion.



Please excuse a few grammatical and/or spelling errors or a few sentances here and there that don't make 100% sence. This was written pretty hurridly, so meh. Reviews? : D
Back to top Go down
Darc
Booty Warrior
Booty Warrior
avatar

Posts : 963
Friendliness : 1107
Reputation : 6
Join date : 2010-12-21
Age : 27
Location : The stall of an Olive Garden bathroom.

PostSubject: Re: The Blind Traveler story   Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:33 pm

Very nice story, Aero. Kinda makes me want to go back to writing...
Back to top Go down
Zalty
➳ ➳ ➳ ┌( ⁰△⁰)┘
➳ ➳ ➳  ┌( ⁰△⁰)┘
avatar

Posts : 3570
Friendliness : 3637
Reputation : 24
Join date : 2010-12-08
Age : 23
Location : Arkansas, usually

PostSubject: Re: The Blind Traveler story   Fri Feb 11, 2011 8:38 pm

How long ago did you make this?

One thing about writing for school that I hate is that it's always short stories. I like writing long novels that take time to develop their characters, but in class that's impossible. Apparently you suffered a bit from that in this piece.

What I like to do in short stories is to keep the characters slightly ambiguous, and instead work on a more psychologically-oriented story, which makes for a quick and interesting read. Unfortunately, I'm not too good at it.

This story definitely feels rushed, so I assume you either were young when you wrote this, or didn't have much time.

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Back to top Go down
http://draezeth.deviantart.com/
Aero
No-Life
No-Life
avatar

Posts : 768
Friendliness : 925
Reputation : 6
Join date : 2010-12-08
Age : 21

PostSubject: Re: The Blind Traveler story   Fri Feb 11, 2011 11:41 pm

Darc wrote:
Very nice story, Aero. Kinda makes me want to go back to writing...

Thank you very much Darc! I'm happy you like it. I honestly don't think it's very good compared to my normal writing. I think I'll go back and make it longer and develop more. Change things a bit. It was done for school in my Honors English class (9th grade) and I actually had to dumb it down a lot when I did the first draft (which is on a slip of paper on its way to a landfill as of now XD) because people think I'm ... [big intellegent words]. Yeah <_____<

Drae wrote:
How long ago did you make this?

One thing about writing for school that I hate is that it's always short stories. I like writing long novels that take time to develop their characters, but in class that's impossible. Apparently you suffered a bit from that in this piece.

What I like to do in short stories is to keep the characters slightly ambiguous, and instead work on a more psychologically-oriented story, which makes for a quick and interesting read. Unfortunately, I'm not too good at it.

Well, I had literally one afternoon to write it. It was supposed to be a short story. Mine was the longest in the class. It was supposed to be a 'fairy tale' assignment. I had to shorten it a lot in order to be able to go up in front of the class and read it aloud so that I wasn't up there for 20 minutes. <______<
Thank you for your thoughts and critiques. It's very well appreciated. I honestly don't think, because it had to be so brief, that I did very well. Like I said in response to Darc, I would absolutely love to go back and revise it just to develop on the Blind Traveler's character. I would love making him an RP character or and addition to the Kingdom of Dreams or maybe even both if I can.

Thank you both again! [hugs]

Back to top Go down
Zalty
➳ ➳ ➳ ┌( ⁰△⁰)┘
➳ ➳ ➳  ┌( ⁰△⁰)┘
avatar

Posts : 3570
Friendliness : 3637
Reputation : 24
Join date : 2010-12-08
Age : 23
Location : Arkansas, usually

PostSubject: Re: The Blind Traveler story   Sat Feb 12, 2011 12:05 am

*hug* Not sure if you need even more characters to RP with.. But oh well. It'd be nice to head the whole story, at least!

Just stick to Aero and Cal in our RP, please, I like keeping it simple.

_________________
Quote :
“Only after the last tree has been cut down,
Only after the last river has been poisoned,
Only after the last fish has been caught,
Only then will you realise that money cannot be eaten.”
-Cree Indian Prophecy

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Back to top Go down
http://draezeth.deviantart.com/
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: The Blind Traveler story   

Back to top Go down
 
The Blind Traveler story
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Toy Story LEGO + MATTEL WWE
» Is death essential to good story writing?
» Campaign Story Challenge : ERA, "The Mass" Story
» Thinkaway's "Collectors" Toy Story Figures
» Possible story idea

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
The Fourth Day :: The Office :: Writing-
Jump to: