Copypasta.txt

HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. 9/11 WAS A LIE. THERE WERE NO TOWEL HEADS. THERE WAS NO AIRPLANE. IN TRUTH I WAS VISITING THE BIG APPLE, SO AS TO COMPARE MY GARGANTUAN MEAT TRAIN TO IT AND LAUGH AT THE GASPING NEW YORKERS AS I POUNDED THEIR BELOVED NAMESAKE INTO BIG APPLE SAUCE. HAVING NOT GOTTEN RELEASE FROM MY CULINARY EXERCISE, I MEANDERED DOWN THE STREET WITH MY VITAL BLOOD ENGORGED SEWER PIPE OUT IN FRONT OF ME LIKE A BLIND MAN'S CANE, LOOKING FOR A HOLE IN THE BACKSIDE OF A WOMAN WHICH I WOULD STRETCH BEYOND HUMAN LIMITS. I SPOTTED AT THAT VERY MOMENT AN ATTRACTIVE FEMALE IN A MINISKIRT WAVING AT ME. I SLAPPED HER TO THE GROUND WITH MY ENORMOUS PHALLUS AND QUICKLY RAVISHED HER SKIRT LIKE A STARVED DOG ON A BABY MADE OF STEAK. THE SIGHT THAT AWAITED BOTH SHOCKED AND ENRAGED ME. AFTER SEEING THIS "WOMAN'S" RAISIN-SIZED WINKY WINKLER, I VOMITED DOWN HIS THROAT AND PENETRATED HIS ESOPHAGUS, RIPPED OUT HIS SPINE AND PEELED HIS CORPSE FROM MY MONEYMAKER. TO TEACH ALL OF NEW YORK A LESSON FOR LETTING THIS FLAMING FAG BAG LIVE, I LET LOOSE A SEMINAL FLOOD OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS UPON THE TOWERS OF TWO (AT WHOM'S SMALL SIZE I LAUGHED LIKE A CLOWN RAPING AN 8 YEAR OLD), WHICH CAUSED THEM TO COME CRASHING DOWN LIKE ME AFTER A WEEKEND METH BINGE. I MOCKED THE NEW YORKERS AND MADE NIGGER JOKES AS THEY RAN FROM MY EVER EXPANDING CLOUD OF SPERMAZOA, MASTURBATING TO THE LOOKS OF HORROR ON THEIR FACES. THE GOVERNMENT, IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE FACE AND BECAUSE THEY HATE ARABS MORE THAN JEWS, PAINTED A BOEING 767 ON MY GIGANTIC COCK AND CALLED IT A TERRORIST ATTACK. THE FEELING OF PAINTBRUSHES ON MY DICK MADE ME COME AGAIN, AND PRESIDENT BUSH SNORTED UP EVERY LAST DROP BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS COKE. SUDDENLY, HE CRIED OUT, "WHAT'S THAT AMAZING SMELL?" THEN A GROSSLY OBESE NEGRO POPPED OUT FROM BEHIND THE BURNING, TWISTED WRECKAGE OF THE WORLD TRADE CENTERS AND QUIPPED, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINE-SOL!" DISPLEASED AT HER INTERRUPTION OF MY DEVASTATING SODOMY CONQUEST, YET SIMULTANEOUSLY ODDLY AROUSED BY A SUB-HUMANS DEFIANCE IN THE FACE OF MY TITANIC MEAT MONOLITH, I GRABBED THE NEGRESS BY HER ARMS AND INSERTED MY BATTLE CRUISER OF PASSION INTO THE ROILING WAVES OF FAT WHICH OBSCURED HER VAGINAL CLEFT. SHE SCREAMED INDECHIPHERABLY IN EBONICS, SO TO SHUT HER UP I POURED ALL THE CONTENTS OF THE PINE-SOL BOTTLE DOWN HER THROAT. UNFORTUNATELY, THE CHEMICALS IN THE LIQUID COMBINED WITH MY UNEARTHLY SUPER-SEMEN TO FORM A HIGHLY UNSTABLE AND EXPLOSIVE MIXTURE OF PURE POWER. JUST BEFORE THE FAT NEGRESS BLEW APART AS A RESULT OF THE INCREDIBLE CHEMICAL REACTION, MY MOTHER GOT SCARED AND SAID, "YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND UNCLE IN BEL-AIR." I WHISTLED FOR A CAB AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR, THE LICENSE PLATE SAID 'FRESH' AND IT HAD DICE IN THE MIRROR. IF ANYTHING I COULD SAY THAT THIS CAB WAS RARE, BUT I THOUGHT, 'NAH, FORGET IT, YOU HOLMES, TO BEL-AIR!" I PULLED UP TO THE HOUSE ABOUT SEVEN OR EIGHT AND I YELLED TO THE CABBY, YO HOLMES, SMELL YA LATER!" I LOOKED AT MY KINGDOM, I WAS FINALLY THERE, TO SIT ON MY THRONE AS THE PRINCE OF BEL-AIR. ONCE I ENTERED MY NEW, PALATIAL ABODE (ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE, WORTHY OF MY INCALCULABLY HUGE MEAT MISSILE) I IMMEDIATELY SWEPT MY NEW FOSTER PARENTS ASIDE AND HEADED FOR THE ROOM OF THEIR YOUNG NIECE. YOU SEE, I JUST SPENT THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES RUBBING A TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL'S BARE CHEST. "HOW?" YOU ASK. WELL APPARENTLY THERE ARE A SELECT FEW CONTEXTS WITHIN WHICH SUCH AN ACTION IS ACCEPTABLE. FOR INSTANCE, IF YOUR NIECE HAS A HACKING COUGH AND YOUR SISTER ASKS YOU TO "PUT SOME OF THIS ON HER" WHILE SHE CALLS THE DOCTOR.
"PUTTING SOME OF THIS ON HEAR" MEANT USING MY BARE HANDS TO RUB THIS VAPOR OINTMENT SHIT ALL OVER HER BARE NAKED CHEST. MY HEARTBEAT IS STILL ALL ERRATIC FROM IT. I HAD A BONER THE SIZE OF MANHATTAN THE ENTIRE TIME. SHE'S SLEEPING NOW AND I GUESS SHE FEELS BETTER BECAUSE SHE STOPPED COUGHING.
DETAILS: SHE'S ABOUT 5 FEET TALL, HAS LONG BROWN HAIR, A CUTE FACE, A THIN WAIST AND LONG SKINNY LEGS. SHE'S IN JAMMIES I THINK BECAUSE ALTHOUGH I'M PRETTY SHAKEN UP RIGHT NOW I KNOW I UNBUTTONED SOMETHING BEFORE I WENT AT IT.
GOD I FEEL SO GREAT. I JUST RUBBED MY HANDS ALL OVER HER FUCKING TITS, YOU GUYS. WELL THE PUFFY PARTS OF HER CHEST ANYWAY. HER NIPPLES GOT HARD. I JUST ABOUT WEPT TEARS OF JOY. OBVIOUSLY, THERE ARE VERY FEW THINGS IN THIS UNIVERSE WHICH CAN BRING ME TO SUCH A STATE, AND COMBINED WITH MY INCREDIBLE STATE OF AROUSAL, I WAS UNABLE TO HOLD BACK THE STORM BREWING IN MY COLOSSAL PUDDING BLASTER. MY STEAMING-HOT SILVER LAVA BLASTED OUT FURIOUSLY, INSTANTLY KILLING MY UNFORTUNATE YOUNG COUSIN AND REDUCING MY NEW HOME TO BLASTED BITS AND PIECES OF WOODEN DETRITUS. I GUARANTEE IT.

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* blinks a few times in disbelief after she finishes reading the whole thing and then laughs.*


well done my good sir, well done.

MUSICAL TIME!
Now this is the story all about how
Dark Knight came out, but got shut down
And I'd like to take a minute, just stop and freeze
I'll tell you how I became the hero that Gotham now needs

In sunny California, born and raised
In the classroom was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, learnin', and earnin' my degree
And then headin' up to Denver for some neurosurgery
When I got bored with life, and I dyed my hair red
And bought a bunch of guns to shoot your family dead
I went to one little town and I hatched a plan
And said "It's really fuckin' simple -- we kill the Batman!"

I hit up all the shops, and it became clear
That I'd have to use the web to buy my armor and gear
If I could say anything, it'd be a walk in the park
'Cuz the kids can't run fast when they're trapped in the dark

I, came, in with a mask as I walked through the door
And I fired off my shotty, tried to beat Cho's high score
Looked at the theatre, stopped to survey my deeds
Why so serious, cops? I'm the hero this city needs

Be sure to play this while you read. Makes all the difference, Pokefags.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKiV3-ntrJA

I wanna be the very best
Like no leader ever was
DUN DUN DUN
To catch Jews is my real test
To gas them is my cause

I will travel across Europe
Searching far and wide
Every dirty Jew will understand
The power of the sign

SWASTIKA!
It's the Jews versus me
Power to Germany!
SWASTIKA!
Oh they're all dead men
In the war we must defend

SWASTIKA!
Concentration camp full of Jews
Set the oven to 232!
You cross me and I'll gas you!
SSWWWAAASSSSTTTTIIIKKKAAAA!

GOTTA GAS 'EM ALL, GOTTA GAS 'EM ALL
SWASTIKA!

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

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Dear /b/: I, like many of you, suffer from problems. My problems don't involve any of your implausible ones, but mine are worth voicing to you in hope of getting some advice. Anyways, I began to watch Azumanga Daioh about a month ago, and as I dove deeper and deeper into the series, the more and more I fapped to hentai of it. I continued to do so until the last episode. Then I watched the series again...and again... and again... I found myself checking out Osaka every on-screen moment she had. I began to stop going to my regular sites just to look at hentai of one person: Osaka. I eventually had 1000s of pictures and some doujins of Osaka. I began to spend what others called absurd amounts of money on merchandise, and my apartment is coated with Osaka everywhere. I've shut myself off from family and friends and felt an urge to just snuggle with my Osaka dolls. Osaka is all I need. She probably wouldn't like the way my family is or how my friends behave. I'm in love with Osaka. I keep praying that she'll come to see me one day and decide to live with me. I have nothing left to live for but Osaka. I know she can hear me, so I always talk to her telling her to come and visit me so our union can take place. So this is where you guys come into the picture. You're an all-purpose advice board. You definitely must know a way to help Osaka break free from behind her glass prison.

the last one is...sad...somehow I believe an actual person somewhere has this problem.

BE IT BREAKFAST, BRUNCH OR BED AND BE YOU A BAREFOOT BURGLAR, BRITISH BANKER OR BEDFAST BOOKMAKER A BASIC BESTIAL BLESSING IS THE BURGER! A BILLION BURGER BANQUET BEQUETH UPON ME FROM A BURGER BASTION OF BEDLAM BARELY BEGINS TO BOIL MY BULKY BURGER BURDEN. YET I MUST BARE BULBOUS BEGGERS BESEECHING BURGERS TO BUILD UPON THEIR BIG BAGGAGE WHILE BREEDING BARBARICALLY. BUT BEFORE THE BURGER BANQUET A BETTER BEGINNING IS OBLIGED. YOU MAY CALL ME BURGER KING.