Change

My friends accept me for who I am. Obnoxious, fun, jackass, loud, sarcastic, goofy, bad puns, wise words, small in size, big in heart, etc. That's great. They get me. They're my peers. I love that they accept me for who I am. I also love how my parents don't accept/can't accept/accept like half of who I am. I don't really tell them a lot of things because I don't want them too worry too much, so I really only try to tell the good things. I'm also a bit grumpy and over use sarcasm and don't know when to be serious when I'm with my family. My fault.

But anyways, I love how my parents don't accept/can't accept/accept like half of who I am. It compels them to change me for the better so I can be ready for the real world ahead of me. As much as I want them to accept me like my friends do, I understand why they're getting me to change. My overuse of sarcasm and bad puns and bad jokes have gotten me into trouble in the past, and they still do. If I use them in a professional setting, I'll get fired. Or sued. My parents constantly remind me to stop taking everything as a joke, and take something seriously for once. What they don't know is that I can't take things seriously or else I'll accidentally fully immerse myself in it and become too serious with it and a little bit overdramatic. I have to use humour as both a stall and a coping mechanism. When something serious or bad happens, and I'm caught in it, or I'm involved in it, or it's centered around me, I try to find the humour in it and make jokes. It's how I cope. It's just gotten so bad that I use it everyday. For some reason. Do they know that? No, because I don't tell them a lot, which is, again, my fault.

Not only is how I cope a problem, but my naïveté and inability to completely read a scene get the best of me, too. I'm always gonna believe in the good in people. It's a good thing to have, but it's also a bad thing because that means that even if I know the bad in them, I'll still believe in the good in them, and I'll end up getting seriously hurt in the process. Hence, the jokes. I'm not one to give up on people. Which is good and bad. Even when I probably should, I won't give up on someone. And with all that comes my inability to completely read a scene. I won't realize the bad in a person until something serious happens to me or my friends or their other friends. I mean, I'll know it's there, but I'll just highly underestimate how bad they can be. Not because I put people on a pedestal, but because I just try to focus on the good. I don't like putting people on pedestals because that's stupid. We're all human. No human is perfect. Also, to add on to not being able to completely read a scene, sometimes I won't get why someone's feeling an emotion until someone tells me. There was also this one instance in which I didn't know two people were related despite knowing that they had the same last names and one had a car and the other said that he keeps some stuff in his sister's car.

Anyway, with my grumpiness, coping mechanism, naïveté, inability to completely read a scene, and among other things, my parents want me to change in order to have some meat on my bones and a backbone in order to survive the real world. A good head just isn't enough. My parents want me to survive, whereas I just want to live. A typical teenager thing. As much as I want to head into the real world with my current attitude/personality/whatever, I know that it'll most likely backfire on me if I don't grow up a little. My friends accept me for who I am now because they're my peers. But we're still young. We still don't know the real world because we haven't fully experienced it. I mean, we know the real world, but we don't know the real world. They say that high school is a microcosm of the real world. The real world is scary because once you're a high school freshman, microcosm real world just crashes down on you. My peers and I very much have anxiety, self harming issues, self blaming issues, self hating issues all because of this microcosm of the real world we call high school. Technically, we've had since them middle school, but still. If we're ever gonna get through the real world, we're gonna have to move past the last 3 somehow and grow up a little. Because we're not ready. We need to find a way to change at least some parts of ourselves in order to go about the real world. The people I know who can guide me through that, help me be a better man for the real world, are my parents.

You know, after writing this thing, I realized something. Being a kid means wanting to live, while being an adult means wanting to survive. But now, I don't want to choose one or the other. I want to live and survive. I have to survive to live, and I want to live to survive. While you can survive without really living, what's the point in surviving if you can't live. Like. Once you survive, it might be too late to really live it up.

I understand what you're getting at. The survival vs. living argument is a common plot in fiction as well, though I don't find myself pondering it much.

Survival doesn't mean not having a life, you just need to be able to do it smartly, there's a balance to everything and you don't need to change who you are, you just gotta figure out how to level yourself.

Very true J gotta have a balance in your life